This year has been such an emotional rollercoaster in our house this year...
Our most recent consultants appointments have been discussing the next steps of our fertility journey. A journey that just seems to be lasting a lifetime.
So, just to recap, due to the results that we got back in January, we were told that Ethan needed to go onto injections to reverse the lack of LH (Luteinising Hormone) and FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone) in his body.
Back on 5th March we discussed with Dr K (Ethan's Endo) in full detail what is going to happen. Dr K has been to speak with the top guy in reproductive endocrinology in the country (which is amazing in itself!!) to get advice on how best to move forwards with our fertility journey.
I feel so privileged and humbled to have such amazing Doctors and the top reproductive endocrinologist helping us with our journey!
So, the first injection he has been placed onto is Chorionic Gonadotrophin (HCG) injections which is the LH required to 'prime' the testes to get them ready for the FSH injections which will hopefully start the process of spermatogenisis (sperm production). He'll initially be placed onto 5000u of HCG injections twice weekly and this will continue for 6 months prior to him then starting a second injection per week of the FSH.
Dr K is so open with us, telling us the cost implications on the NHS, which luckily we will have funded. I just can't help but feel sad in the thought of others not being as fortunate as us. The differences in the UK for the 'fertility lottery' is just insane and ethically immoral.
I truly believe that the NHS is amazing, but in this day and age, fertility should not have a price on it! It's an essential part of life; It's just innate in all of us to reproduce.
But also, in the unfortunate event that you struggle with fertility, is it not just simply enough that you have to deal with that without the prospect of spending thousands, sometimes tens of thousands of pounds on treatments that may or may not work?
So, with our case, I realise just how fortunate we both are. If we were even just half an hour down the road, we would not get this opportunity.
As of now, Ethan is just nearing the end of the 3 months on the Chorionic Gonadotrophin injections and we have been officially TTC for 3 months.
As I've posted in our Instagram page, we've had several hopeful moments where I've mistaken symptoms like nausea, tender, swollen breasts, fatigue, vomiting for possible pregnancy symptoms. Whether this is my body playing mind tricks on me or just my body getting back into a normal hormone rhythm following 12 years of being on hormonal contaceptions, I don't know. But one thing I do know is that no matter how much hope you place on the test being positive... It's indescribable the pain you go through when you see that single line... Another negative result.
I remember the first test... We both sat there, pretty certain that this time we'd done it! We finally have got pregnant! The 3 minutes we waited for the result were the longest I've ever had in my entire life. We both sat there, so positive, so hopeful, so naive.
I remember during those 3 minutes, we both smiled so longingly at each other thinking, this is it, it's definitely going to be positive! Stupidly sitting there both with a hand each on my stomach thinking our little miracle would be in there.
As we turned over the test, we were crushed. It felt like a 1 million tonne wrecking ball just launched itself into my stomach. The pain was just unreal, like nothing I have ever felt before. The sudden realisation of how difficult this is going to be dawned on us both. We just sat there, holding each other. Tears rolling down our faces.
Somehow through this pain, you have to almost power on through, get back to normal life and try not to stress about TTC. The continual cycle of hoping and praying and disappointment is just draining beyond belief.
No one teaches you how difficult it can be trying to get pregnant until you really, really want it to happen.
So all in all, it's a strange feeling. We both feel lucky and fortunate that we have the opportunity and ability to access fertility treatments but on the other hand we just feel as though this is going to be a never ending battle.
Somehow you've got to juggle everyday life stresses amongst constant heartache.
Now we've gone over the 3 month initial period, Ethan now needs to do a further semen analysis which we'll be doing at the end of November. So once we've got the results of that then we have more of an idea whether this treatment is working. We should at this point, add in the FSH injections dependant on the results.
In other news, we've got an announcement to make! So, we're currently in contact with the Pituitary Foundation and we've been fortunate enough to be given the opportunity to write an article for their quarterly magazine, Pituitary Life!
The work that the Pituitary Foundation does for those suffering with Pituitary disorders and their families is just incredible and to be able to share our story with those that read their magazine is just such an incredible opportunity.
So, with luck, we should be in the January 2020 edition of their magazine so watch this space!
Thank you all again for your continued support, we honestly cannot thank you all enough. It just makes this journey for us just that bit easier!
Love,
N & E xo
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